Sometimes the dreams you have in your youth have to be adjusted for the reality of your today.
When I was young I thought I would have a career, have a child (not a husband, just one child) and be able to manage both.
Yes, I thought I would be super career woman/mom.
That didn’t happen.
I gave up a job I loved (with people I didn’t much care for) to marry the man I fell in love with and moved across a content and to another country. Where I was rudely awakened by the fact that I couldn’t work.
So I threw myself into being the best housekeeper and wife I could be.
Then came baby #1, and I immersed myself in playing/talking/getting to know my child. I pointed out letters, numbers, sung songs, cooked healthy meals, cleaned the house—did the whole super mom thing.
Never once did I question why.
Then baby #2 came along and I did the same thing, to a lesser extent, but sill gave it my all.
Then baby #2 turned one.
Then I started asking who am I?
Of course it all got complicated when I got sick, when the autoimmune stuff kicked in. I looked everywhere for answers, but the constant question was: “who am I?”
I spent a number of years not being satisfied being just a “mommy”. I suffered for that, and so did my kids.
Something changed after I had my last two kids. I became resolved to be the best mommy I could be, to put aside my dreams of a career and just focus on the here and now.
Today I’m seeing friends go back to work and struggle to “do it all”, and while I do feel a bit of jealousy at times, I’m OK with where I am. I do plan to go back to school, to get a “fun” degree or something totally different form the sociology and economics degree I got (and barely put to use) years ago. I’d like to go back to work at some point—more for the social contact, adult conversation and to show my daughters that mom's can work outside of the home too.
But right now, I’m ok. I’m a mommy. And today, when people ask me what I do I say I’m a mom of 4, a wife of 1. I don’t justify. I don’t explain. I just state the fact.
Because I now know that being a mom for me IS a full-time job, and that with the age range of my children I may never have that career I dreamed about. My cards weren’t dealt to me the way I dreamed they would be.
But in the end, I think I got a much better hand.
Now I just have to play it the best way I know how. And the first step is to say loud and proud:
I’m a mommy!